New Concepts Demand New Designs

actually pigs might fly.

New Concepts Demand New Designs

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“Actually Pigs might fly. No joke. If a cow can jump over the moon, there is no reason that a pig can't fly."

“Here is what we already know. Pigs have great power and speed in taking off. You can judge this by watching the next time a farmer takes a bucket of pig food down to the pig trough. As soon as he bangs on the bucket and hollers a loud "Soo-eee, Soo-eeee, you will see the whole herd of pigs come barreling up to the pig trough for that food. I told you they had both power and speed, didn't I? They show their speed by trying to get there first, and if they don’t get there first, they show their power by pushing those "first comers" out of the way."

“So, we can see from this that they have both power and speed. They are almost ready for takeoff.”

“Next, we have to work on their wings, but this will be super easy. Let me explain this by using the Doberman Pincer as an example. Many people say that a, "true" Doberman has to have ears that stick straight up, so they have to go through a "straightening" process. I won't go into the details of the process involved because of time, but just let me say, "It does work."

“In order for the pig to fly, its ears have to be large enough to give it "lift." To do this we will need larger ears. Ears are made of special material that can be stretched. We have all seen this, although we may have been repulsed by them. What we are going to do is contrive a lightweight aluminum frame on each side of the pig that will connect to each ear and pull it out sideways. This frame will need springs to keep tension on the ears so they will continually be pulled and stretched. To give the springs continual pressure the legs will be in a harness that automatically keeps the spring tension to its strongest. Whenever the pig runs to the pig trough, more pressure will be applied to his ears. In this way, preparing the pig for its first "take off" won't take long."

“To make the pigs ears more effective as wings we are going to combine the techniques of the bird’s wings and the airplane’s wings. We noticed that as the pig was eating, its ears wiggled a little up and down. “

“This is just what we need–a little wiggling. Accomplishing this will be easy. We keep the pig eating. "

“Whoa now. I heard you ask how the pig could eat while it was in the air flying.”

“Well, this is how we will manage that. We will just invent some "Juicy Food Gum" that tastes exactly like its real food. The flavor of this gum will last and last so the pig keeps chewing, causing his ears–I mean–his wings to flap. "

“See, I have it all figured out.”

“Now, as far as navigating we are going to use its tail. Since we don't want to "lose" our pig to some DR. Luse and have it end up being in some fairy tale book, the curls in the pigs tail will always cause our flying pig to circle round and round until the gum it is chewing runs out of flavor causing the pig to quit flapping it ears–I mean wings – whereupon it will settle down out of the sky into its own pig pen where it can settle in with the rest of his herd racing for the pig trough."

“So, you can see with just a little bit of work, pigs might fly.”

11/05/13

By Larry E. Whittington

Read it to your kids and grandkids. Forward it to your friends. Dream about it tonight.