Pigs Might Actually Be Able To Fly

If Cows Can Jump Over The Moon

Can Pigs Actually Fly?

Actually, pigs just might fly. No joke. If a cow can jump over the moon, there is no reason a pig can't fly.

Here is what we already know. Pigs have great power and speed in taking off. You can judge this by watching the next time a farmer takes a bucket of pig food down to the pig trough. As soon as he bangs on the bucket and hollers a loud "S00-eee, Soo-eee, you will see the whole herd of pigs come barreling up to the pig trough for that food. I told you they had both power and speed, didn't I? They show their speed trying to get there first; if they don't, they show their power by pushing those "firstcomers" out of the way. So, we can see from this that they have both power and speed. They are almost ready for takeoff.

Next, we have to work on their wings, which will be super easy. Let me explain this by using the Doberman Pincer as an example. Many people say that a "true" Doberman must have ears sticking straight up, so they have to go through a "straightening" process. I won't go into the details of the process involved because of space, but just let me say, -It does work. For the pig to fly, its ears must be large enough to give it "lift." To do this, we will need more oversized ears. Ears are made of unique material that can be stretched. We have all seen this, although they may have repulsed us. We will contrive a lightweight aluminum frame on each side of the pig that will connect to each ear and pull it out sideways. This frame will need springs to keep tension on the ears, so they will be continually pulled and stretched. To give the springs continual pressure, the legs will be in a harness that automatically keeps the spring tension at its strongest. More pressure will be applied to his ears whenever the pig runs to the trough. This way, preparing the pig for its first "takeoff" will not take long.

To make the pig's ears more effective as wings, we will combine the techniques of the bird's wings and the airplane's wings. We noticed that as the pig ate, its ears wiggled slightly up and down.

This is just what we need — a little wiggling. Accomplishing this will be easy. We just keep the pig eating.

“Whoa, now.”

I heard you ask how the pig could eat while flying in the air. Well, this is how we'll manage that. We just invented some "Juicy Food Gum" that tastes exactly like its natural food. The gum's flavor will last, so the pig keeps chewing, causing his ears —l mean — its wings to flap.

You see, l have it all figured out. Now, as far as navigating, we are going to use its tail. Since we don't want to "lose" our pig to some DR. Luse and have it end up being in some fairy tale book, the curls in the pig’s tail will always cause our flying pig to circle round and round until the gum it is chewing runs out of flavor causing the pig to quit flapping its ears, — I mean -its wings - at which point it will settle down out of the sky into its own pig pen where it can settle in with the rest of his herd racing for the pig trough. So, you can see, with just a little bit of work, pigs just might fly.

I love it when a reader comments. It might be what I need to start another story.

Bless you, and now, copy it so you can take it to some young person and have them read it back to you.

Larry E. Whittington

Date Written, just for the fun of it: Unknown, but probably in the 1990s.

Write a story for yourself, just for the fun of it.